I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
