Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
