K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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