she was so not down for the gang bang
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
