Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
