thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
