I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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