when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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