is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
