took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
