Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
