Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
love makes seman taste better
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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