I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize