It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
