i jhust puked up my retainher.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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