These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
