so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
