He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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