my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
