I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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