Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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