stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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