i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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