my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
