Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
