dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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