dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
pray to the hookup gods
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize