I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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