This girl is more easily done than said...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
