3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
