I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
