it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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