hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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