I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no, he came in my armpit
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
