Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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