My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
