Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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