im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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