i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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