he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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