Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
