Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
