Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
