If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need water and some morals
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
