Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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