I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
