do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
