Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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