NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize