I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
