there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
