For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize