Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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