Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
