The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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