You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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