ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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