Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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