You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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