He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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