So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
