So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
