Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
