Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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