Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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