I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My cat gives me a boner
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
