i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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