he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
