At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You are the jesus of drinking
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
