RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
