I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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