How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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