And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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