Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
